How Can a Middleaged Man Turn His Intimate Frustrations Around?

Toronto-Courtesan | 18 Jun 2017 - 03:40
How Can a Middleaged Man Turn His Intimate Frustrations Around?
The month of February takes its name after the festival of purification that was celebrated in Rome on its fifteenth day.  Some sources also quote that the name is given after a time period when sacrifices were made to atone the sins. February is a time of purification from the winter festivities and their consequences before the lighter parts of the year hit our lives.  And with purification often comes looking inside oneself.  So how do you get integrated, at one with yourself, or all of a piece, your body and mind in agreement = congruent? Here’re some handy tips:

Be Real
  • Ask yourself: “Is what I’m doing in keeping with my sense of who I am?”
  • Allow your natural humor to let rip more often.
  • Be more your own boss.
Improve Internal State
  • Create an environment which supports your purpose.
  • Continue to improve your physical flexibility.
  • Explore the physical feeling of when you’re congruent.
  • Explore a variety of self-nurturing activities such as massage, meditation, acupuncture, homeopathy, Alexander Technique, cranial osteopathy, yoga, Tai Chi, Reiki.
  • Notice your physiology, strengthen your internal state, become more centered by practising keeping focus.
  • Have greater respect for your body.
  • Relax.
Address Obstacles
  • Ask yourself what it is you’re afraid of when you avoid something.
  • Explore your fears and phobias.
  • Look at areas of self-doubt and self-inhibition.
  • Release negative emotions.
  • Do an inventory of your limiting beliefs in each main area of your life.
Resolve Internal Conflicts
  • Become more aware of when and how specifically (sights, sounds, feelings) you’re congruent / incongruent.
  • Explore incongruence: What happens when you tell a lie? How do you feel? What does your physiology do?
  • Keep asking “What specifically do I need to become more congruent?”
  • Identify instances of conflict in your dreams and revisit them to resolve them.
  • SCORE as often as you can = identify the symptoms, causes, outcomes, resources, and effects of incongruent behaviors to resolve them.
  • Integrate parts of you that are in conflict.
  • Give nonverbal communications that match your words.
Resolve Interpersonal Conflict
  • Find new responses to people’s incongruence.
  • Get curious about the positive intentions of people’s actions.
  • Learn to look at issues from many angles.
  • Write to a person with whom you’re in conflict offering to explain rather than blame.
Notice What Is Working
  • Notice things and situations which increase your personal congruence and do them more.
  • Pay more attention to the ‘trivial’ and the ‘mundane’.
  • Review your goals regularly to ensure that they’re still appropriate to your current sense of self.
  • Review your experiences. Ask yourself: “How did I achieve what I have?”
Do What Matters
  • Set clear, well-formed outcomes to which you’re committed.
  • Keep asking: “What do I want?” Look at what it is you want to look back on when you’re in your 90s and say: “Yes, I’ve lived as I wished, my life has been meaningful and made a difference for the better”.
  • Be committed to yourself to develop clear outcomes and act accordingly. The better you get at this, the better you will be able to help others.
  • Play wholeheartedly without wondering whether you’re too old or what others think.
  • Tell the truth, even if it may be cruel or unpleasant.
  • Do what you believe in.
  • Express what you REALLY want in a difficult situation.
  • Keep (even unspoken) promises to yourself and others.
  • Do more of what you enjoy and less of what you ‘should’.
  • Say no to things you don’t enjoy.
  • Turn down an offer of work / job that you don’t want to do.
  • Take control of choosing whether you’ll do things instead of being influenced by peer pressure.
  • Work with congruence as an outcome.
  • Speak / stay silent when you feel the desire to.
  • Mentally rehearse congruent behavior prior to a challenging event.
  • Develop your creativity.
  • Tell stories and allow your unconscious free expression.
  • Use metaphor and image more and create a really good partnership between your conscious and unconscious mind.
  • Continually seek ways to improve the quality of your life.
  • Spend time with models of excellence in areas you need to develop.
Be More Self-aware
  • Make the first and last moment in your day by focusing on “What’s it all been for?”
  • Be clear on your values, criteria, and actions that honor those criteria for your key roles and relationships.
  • Pace your internal responses.
  • Ask yourself: “How’s what I’m doing an expression of who I am?
  • Get curious about the positive intentions of all your actions.
  • Change your internal dialogue from “I can’t do it” to “How do I…?” and “Who can help me?”.
  • Pay more attention to your dreams at day and nighttime.
  • Do more for yourself of what you presently do for others.
  • Commit to continuous self-development and engage in specific ways to achieve it.
  • At the end of each day ask yourself: “What have I learned today? What have I contributed today? What has been exquisite or fun? When was I congruent / incongruent?”

And to start this process consider getting some coaching.

Read more Articles